My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
