3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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