just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I need a hoe opinion
go on
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize