so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
