Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
