its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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