I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
