The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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