i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
and she was petting her beer can
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
