he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize