You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
