Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
