At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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