To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
