If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Threesome in a minivan. New low
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
