I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
