I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
