i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
