I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Sorry about my life...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
