So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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