i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so let's talk penis.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
