if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
