Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
