btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Say something about gay babies.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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