Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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