the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
