Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
