Need sex. Gaining weight.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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