im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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