just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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