3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
