He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
