got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
