Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
