Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he shaved USA in his pubs
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
