I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
