I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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