His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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