HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
