At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
