What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
