There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
