How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I would ride that face into the sunset
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
