how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
