he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
