I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
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I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
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If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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