I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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