he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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