i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
