i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
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She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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