im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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