two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I can't put those talents on a resume
Randomize
