Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
