God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
