I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
