"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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