Sacagawea was the original milf.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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