we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize