just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
