My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
