we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
