sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
