By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
