i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
