Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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