that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
