Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
