so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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