Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
