Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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