Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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