No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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