i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
